new piks on my multiply. inna's debut and some random shots on the mga bago folder... tignan nio lang :)

I wonder what it feels like to have been living in another country all your life, and then coming to the Philippines? I wonder if we really seem as bad as we look in the newspapers and on TV. I wonder what being in another country feels like? I'd really love to visit other places someday :P I was born in Saudi Arabia, but of course I don't remember anything about it because ma and pa took me to the philippines before I turned one. I know a couple of guys (I use the term "know" loosely, heehee) who have lived in other places all their lives, and are here now in our country (both fellow elbi peeps :D). I'm sure traffic was something they didn't have from the places they came from!

traffic, nasty politics, pollution, terrorism, poverty. everyone's really keen on leaving all these behind. not me. not that i love getting stuck along aurora for 45 minutes, but nothing's gonna happen to our country if we keep on deserting it. i think i'll stay here, get a job, work hard, and try to do what i can to help our country. i really really believe that we are still capable of rising from all these mucky complications. if only the "pagasa ng bayan" would quit going off somewhere. we have art and culture. we have food. we have fashion. we have good movies. we have values (no matter how contrived they seem these days, i believe they're still there). we have beaches. we have super malls. we have beautiful people. we have religion. we have all these, and if we capitalise on them, show them to the rest of the world, patronize them, love them too, they can help us. hehe. i want to stay here, and witness the country rise. i seriously believe we're getting there. my generation can do it. after college. haha. or tomorrow. hmm.

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my brother bolle is learning to drive. before i turn eighteen next june, i must learn, too!

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Last week, Mama took Ahlee and me to the hospital she worked at before she went to KSA. Tondo General Hospital was once the final destination of many a stabbed crook (it was Tondo, infamous gang town, after all). in the words of my Tito Froilan: "Yung mga nasasaksak, dinadala lang dun para ideklarang wala na." I couldn't imagine my mom growing up in the Tondo of movies and Ang Tundo Man Ay May Langit Din - dangerous, looban, depressing. But I guess, when you were a kid, those things hardly affected you. some of my mom's old workmates were still there, and much like the facilities, mom noted that they've changed a lot. but then so has she. the whole experience must have been chock-full of nostalgia for mama. but, she says that even if she hadn't gone to saudi, it would've been inevitable that she went off someplace else. she could not imagine herself staying put in Tondo for good - just imagine, i probably wouldn't have been born! nyay! haha.

I've been a Manila girl all my life, but it's a sad fact that I really haven't been "around" the different places in NCR much. that trip was also my first divisoria experience - i would've been giddy, if there wasn't a 2-1 ratio between the people and every item sold in the area, and if had some money :,(. it's during these instances that i see how different marikina really is from the other cities - less pollution, less people, less tall buildings, and definitely less traffic. I'm grateful, not to mention proud that i live here. hahaha. :D

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i was listening to kitchie and looking through some old photos a while ago, and now it's official: i'm missing high school. finally. heehee. missing, but not longing. fond, but not wanting to go back. it hasn't been perfect, but it's been super. hay. and the cd also reminded me a hell lot of sarah and the rest of those so-called "adventures" i went through... roskie, sheila, michi, janeen, bianca - - ohmigod. hahahaha. it makes me laugh now. but i miss them too!!! :) I wonder if i've really outgrown all that... i'm still very much appreciative, though. whatever. heehee. :D i guess they were right after all. once a kulasa, forever a kulasa. :D

===

RIGHT NOW

watching: the news. depressing.
feeling: BROKE!
reading: anything
listening to: the brilliant green, art school... danna and anne's jrock bug is infectious :)

Sa Bintana

sa labas ng bintana
ay may pares ng pusa
na nagtatalik
at waring tao
ang mga ungol nila

sa loob ng bintana
ay may nakadungaw na tila
naghahangad
maging waring hayop
e di wala nang problema

more from where that came from here. now it's ridiculous because it isn't unheard of anymore. ha!

I was really looking forward to some serious downtime before Christmas, but I guess I forgot about caroling, choir, and shopping. huff. I enjoy being out and on the go, but these days, I'd really, really much rather sleep. wah! I also wanted to have time to introspect and write (but see, I'm blogging! nyeh!). no can do for the moment. wah. I wish it would be peaceful after xmas.

I've been sniffing around for days since I got back home, but know what? I can't smell Christmas this year. and it's kinda disappointing. Even if I see decors all around, and i'm with family, and I attend mass every night, and i'm toiling for a certain cause. something's amiss. I wonder which. maybe i'm just past getting too excited over Xmas. I'm that old already (nyeh)? hmm. but then again, I've been doing everything slightly (massively?) different this year, so I shouldn't expect the holidays not to change, either. :) right? I didn't even bother making a serious wish list. I didn't even bother expecting anything for Christmas this year. I just want to feel it. why? just because. because christmas always connotes happiness. contentment, even if short-lived. being with people you love. hahaha. whatever.

oh wait, i do want something for Christmas. enlightenment. heehee. I wanna know what I'm here for. or whether I'll make it.

hmm... isn't that up to me?

NYARGH!!!! next break!!!

>><<

I'm missing Los Banos. heehee.

>><<

ahlee and I went with mama to Tondo yesterday. she grew up there, and she worked at the hospital before she went to Saudi. ayun. it was my first time to see that part of manila. deeper thoughts later, am kinda hungry. but we also went to divisoria! :D

I really liked this week. rare do I wake up on Saturdays, peel the pillow on top of my head, and think, "Ang saya, I can't wait for next week." So even though I'm having cramps, and I forgot to bring my homework with me (intentionally left behind, more like), I feel pretty calm. Rested. Alive. harhar.

Maybe it was partly the weather - it was raining, raining, raining all week. I love it when it rains. It reminds me of those days when classes would be suspended and I'd be bundled up in bed, looking out the window, and I'd see the whole world silenced by the soft pattering of raindrops on the roofs. I like the cold. I like the quiet.

Maybe it was the new people I met - ang galing, these were people I was having a conversation with, like, just five minutes, and then I was already telling them stuff I've never uttered out loud to anyone. and I think they understood. galing. sarap. astig. I'm seriously starstruck. and inspired. and grateful to be one of them. heehee :D

eybisidi...

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. There's just 26 of them, complemented by 9 digits and a slew of other symbols to divide and regroup them into infinite words, phrases, sentences, lines, paragraphs, poems, stories, essays, news articles, blog entries, letters, blah-blah-blah... Just 26. And we have languages, songs, and written works out of them. How did that happen? How did the brain get wired to express everything in it through 26 symbols? But we try, don't we? And it's better than nothing. It's better than sitting down, slumped, mouth slightly open, not knowing what to SAY. :D I beg to believe, though, that we are capable of more. I created my own 26 symbols, seven or so years ago, so I could write my crush's name on the back of my notebook over and over and over again, with no one being the wiser.

I want to learn a new language.

Pero siguro, dapat ko muna galingan lalo mag-Ingles, at mag-Tagalog, ano? :D

Mag-aaral muna ako tumula at sumulat dito. :)

Hay.

**the title is one of the things I want to receive this Christmas. :D

Right now, am completely blown away, inspired, scared, excited, I have no idea. Right now, am reluctant to let other people read this because I feel like I was majestically humbled, but glorified, at the same time. I have a ways to get there. But I can see the horizon. I can see the island. And maybe it's not really a mere island. maybe it's a new world.

As always, I am the thin reed, easily swayed by the winds of influences that slap my face, stinging, but wonderful. And I seem to love it.

god, I want to talk.

...(paranoia kicks in)...

but am I worthy?

...!...

haha. enap na nga. basta masaya ako ngayon. nhux. ang sarrrrrrruuppp ng pakiramdam. yehey yehey yehey.

(kala mo kung ano, ano? :D)