kagabi napanaginipan ko siya, tapos ngayong umaga isang "uy" ang bumati sa message inbox ko. mabigat ang ulo ko kasi pagod ako dahil sa biyahe namin ni ahlee kahapon. parang may nakakapit na malaking tandang sa ulo ko. kaso kinakalmot niya yung ulo ko. grabe grabe grabe.

ano ba ang masarap sabihin? siyempre una, ung pinakmadalas ko sabihin: "ayoko problemahin ito". lintik. hahaha. bakit kaya ganoon ako kaduwag? bakit parang nakakagawian ko na takbuhan ang mga bagay-bagay? masama to. mahirap kapag nahabol na nila ako.

nalulungkot ako dahil hindi lang pala isang tao apektado dito. hindi ko na-get na yung mga ginagawa ko (o hindi ko ginagawa!), puwede rin maka-apekto sa iba. nalulungkot ako dahil hindi naman tayo gaano magkakilala, pero siguro napilitan ka na kilalanin ako ng pahapyaw. tapos ako din ganoon. E gusto ko pa naman ikaw maging kaibigan talaga.

"ano ba ito? sumpa?!"

merong maliit na boses na sumisigaw dito sa likod. "kayo kasi eh! Nagkakaintindihan naman ata kayo noon ah!" Pero hindi ko din masabi ng malakas iyan, kasi hindi naman niya talaga nailahad ng buo sa akin iyan.

Minsan kasi may mga panahon na hindi ko talaga trip yung mga ganito, mas gusto ko talagang gumawa ng ibang bagay kaysa problemahin kung ano kami.

Tapos ngayon, hindi naman pala ako aalis.

Gusto ko sabihin ito, pero hindi ko din alam kung may dapat talaga ako ipagpatawad: "Pasensiya ka na."

Malungkot eh. Kasi nawalan ka ng pampasaya dahil sa akin. Tapos ako naman itong nagbago ng isip at nag-isip na ayoko ko na dahil hindi ako yung para sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung nagsisisi siya dahil ako pa naisipan niyang... yakk, sobrang gasgas noon. pero totoo.

Yung pagbabago na tinukoy mo... napansin ko rin iyon eh. :(

E di... ako talaga mali dito. nambilog ba ako? ewan ko. kasi sigurado naman ako noon. ngayon wala na. nangyayari naman talaga iyon diba? malas nga lang ngayon pa. siya pa. ikaw pa. pasensiya na ulit.

Where did you take your default photo?
::at nine waves

What exactly are you wearing right now?
::khakis (old). maroon shirt (old).

What is your current problem?
::you figure out yourself. really - - a ref. a little one.

What makes you most happy?
::my siblings. really nice outfits. cute well-mannered kids. other people's jokes, no matter how corny/green/gasgas :) babaw ako eh

If you could go back in time, and change
something, what would it be?
::surprise - wala. really. it should be that way

Ever have a near death experience?
::sure. whenever i wake up in the morning, any moment from then on is as close to death as being dragged by a bus on the slex. so we hafta be thankful :)

Name an obvious quality you have?
::very corny :)

What's the name of the song that you're
listening to?
::- - - :P sorry.

Any celeb you would marry?
::hugh jackman? :)

Name someone with the same birthday as you?
::michelle kambal. ninong jimmy :)

Do you have a crush on someone?
::suz!

ever sang in front of a large audience?
::hahaha! why not.

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
::white choco mocha. but really, i don't "usually" order from starbucks

Has anyone ever said you looked like a
celebrity?
::sure, why NOT! hahahaha.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV
shows?
::who doesnt?

Are you comfortable with your height?
::are you?

Do you speak any other languages?
::hindi po.

What magazines do you read?
::preview. vogue. W. allure. :)

Has anyone you're really close with you passed
away?
::hmmm..

Do you ever watch MTV?
::eh?!

What's something that really annoys you?
::people who makes a big deal out of small things. - why not, ipe. oo nga. and... having to worry about money. diba? life should be beautiful.

***

I loved hugh jackman in Kate and Leopold. I remember last writing about him when the 2nd xmen movie came out and I was gushing how different his scruffy wolverine looks next to his sobrang-gentleman leopold but they're both so gwapo nonetheless. hehe. tapos ayun. last night we watched xmen: the last stand (pick ng mga lalaki kong kapatid :D). hayayay. ayun lang. :) i should be writing about logan and jean and the rest of the movie right? and how there were so many twists until after the closing credits (!). but i'm thinking about leopold. chivalry's long dead. i wish leopold was real. but then again i don't. but i really do. haha wala lang. random rambling. :)


i'm usually put off by big muscles in real men, but he's a hollywood actor i'll never get to meet, so i'm gonna trade in my almost-feministic ideals this once. :)

so, I got into the Malikhaing Pagsulat program alright. but

I won't be moving anymore :P

good news and bad news, depending on what color your flashlight is. that's all. :)

oh, the things that happen when we stay in at home. the little kids in our street thought we were going to put up a learning center. heehee.




we also have new puppies at home. Weetzy and Hershey are half lab, half pomeranian. so they're gonna be little black labradors. haha.


she christened the dogs. don't ask me why. :D idol namin yung mga pinoy na pumanik ng everest! yahoooooooo!!! :D


I love this one. :)


one of bolle's many kooky pasttimes. He finished that pyramid. astig. :)


and MY favorite pasttime. wehehe


badette spotted this cute kid at the mall last saturday :)


me. hwahaha. :D pangit. heehee!

Why is everyone so adamant about fixing life when it was perfectly fine when we were worshipping the heavenly bodies and we simply valued things exactly for what we think they're worth and not for their monetary value?

Aren't you a bit freaked out that no matter what you do from now on, there's simply too much garbage to get rid off within this week? and what will happen when the dumpsters really seriously start overflowing? Would you like to live on the moon, like me?

Why does everything in this world have a particular opposite? Love, hate. curly, straight. black, white. Why does one thing have to be completely unlike another? Cannot things coexist and revel in having common traits than try being set apart from another thing? And then again why did they begin classifying everything anyway? What's with the categories? What's with countries and territories? What's with languages? Should 'em Gay people really be called gay people?

Why does the woman need to take the man's surname when they get married? (But I tried imagining reversing that tradition in my head and I realized it would be too awry for now and lineage would be lost. and I happen to love lineage, so until someone thinks of a better scheme...)

How did the first people to domesticate animals discover that we can drink cow milk?! :P

Anong pangalan ng asawa ni Mr. Bean?

(highlight) Abrila daw, sabi ni Irvin. Abrila Bean. suz.

Kuya Eddie, anong gagawin ko?

Papa, I wonder how you are.

Yesterday I got sent home early because I forgot my effin nameplate. Haha! Patay. And what if it's a sign, you know? Hehe. I miss being optimistic about everything. Anyway. Today I'll be doing the closing shift. woo. haha. better enjoy/earn from this as long as it lasts...

Faye came over yesterday afternoon too. Yay! She's the first friend I've hung out with for WEEKS (I've been too busy 1) being a bum at home 2) riding jeepneys and 3) being in a state of broke (?!) to do any kind of "hanging out". sigh), and she brought a really Korean DVD and we watched it on our (skippy) player. And we pigged out on sweets. And we yadda-yadda-yadda-ed. heehee. And she's telling me that I'd be better off staying in Elbie. whaddya guys ink?

Wha, why annoy the world with my problems? Life's good. Really. :D

I really mind that I wouldn't be able to shift to journ next semester. What an effin failure. I don't know. I thought it was a given that I'd get in on my first try. Why was I so sure anyway? Or why did I let myself get carried away with all the picture plans in my head? But really. 105 applicants. All like me. and 38 of them better thinkers than me. Oh well. One thing's certain: I won't be graduating on time anymore :( (a little too early to say that, but i'd be too hopeful if I believe I can graduate by 2009) There's still MP, but know what, they're still not calling either. And if I don't get in at all, well, I'd be swimming in shit. I'd pick up where I left off, and I'd be perfectly fine, I'd get to graduate, and I'd still land that job, but all those expectations, you know? And all the talk I did. I'd probably live with some snickers from you people (you know who you are), but I'd never be able to live myself down.

Maybe it's not really the acads I'm stressing over, but the messes which I didn't manage to fix over the summer. Shifting would've given me an excuse. You know, you know even if I don't say it out loud. YOU know. Siggghhhhh. Sorries, I'm afraid, are not cutting it. I still don't know what I want to do, even though I'm definite about what I DON'T want to do. Isn't that sahhdd, love? You really shouldn't be getting this crap from a lowlife like me. It shouldn't been Joy or someone else, and I should've continued my quest for shoes.

But worst of all (at least for the moment) I'm already in training. I went on with this JOB because I was so certain I wouldn't have to worry about the contract. But what if I wouldn't be studying in Manila anymore? Will I be allowed to quit? It's all really shit. Haynaku. Then you add all the badgering I get from Mama. :-<



Even though I pretty much feel like I should be in bed and sniffling, We went out yesterday and watched Amelie become Sophie and Forrest Gump become Robert Langdon. My youngest brother is only fourteen but he was with us :) I think it got a lot of chops from the mtrcb. kinda halata. But know what? it was better than what I was expecting. Maganda, even though I was looking for more Da Vinci references. Para lang siyang habulan. Harry Potter-ish, kasi nag-stick dun sa plot ng book. Haha. But really, what's with all the hooha. You don't lose your faith from watching a movie. Sayang si Badette halatang hindi eighteen. Oh well. The movie (like the book) is a great tourist-grabber for London and Paris. As if it was needed. :D If you want a real nice review of the movie, hanap na lang kayo sa iba. Like kay sarj. :D And now I'm recalling that article she wrote for Blue Heights that earned her inquisition-worthy reactions from the righteous CLE teachers. Haha I miss Isko!!! :D

By the way, they've renovated the theaters at Grand Mall and those glass doors are really cool :)

I'd probably write about Go-gos and chicken burgers next time (if it's not really against policy :P). Yun muna. Twenty-one nga pala ngayon. I bet you're thinking. Ayan E di nag-iisip rin ako. Wala pa rin. :(

I'm hungry.

But I don't want to be hungry because it's not even twelve yet, and between typing this and my big breakfast three hours ago I was just sprawled across the sofa. Ok, maybe it was the hula hoop attempts. I really don't know how to peruse that large plastic ring! I have no flexible bone in my body. I can't even waggle my ears or wink both eyes or make my nostrils flare at will like my siblings and cousins can. I am just innately immobile. hwehe. My hands are really the only part of my body that gets a lot of practice. alright.

I'm really hungry. I really don't like being stuck at home because I tend to eat and sleep and do little else.

I wonder what will happen tomorrow.

I changed the layout picture again. :D that's my window.

I wonder if I really passed all those exams I took.

I wonder why I am SO NOT BOTHERED. It's tragic.

I wonder why I woke up this morning wanting to write a long sorry letter. but not for you.

I.

I.

I wonder if I'll be broke forever.

I wonder what it's like to live underwater.

I just wonder.

I just wander.

but this isn't a real post. I just felt like changing my layout. :) that's me up there, evaporating. from bright and neon-sy to black and white. there you go. :) this isn't really my layout. pilferer. patay.


i'm gonna start work tomorrow. rawr! I will make a million. just kidding.