i know i announced a BLOG BREAK (he's right, everyone's taking a blog vacation, maybe i'm suffering the bandwagon syndrome). I know I have a lot of reasons to quit posting dumb paragraphs (last thursday's TUD motion is one). I know I need to be a better writer. I know I should be doing... other things. I know I should be writing poetry.

But I cannot resist posting pictures. So this is not a blog post. This is an advert. (some people actually appreciate this. Papa for one. :D :D)

I'm not on good terms with my inner kid right now, because I'm not happy happy HAPPY. hehe. but then again, is there really anything I can do about it? Or maybe it's just the weather. I really prefer dark rainy days over bright sunshine, but maybe two weeks straight of non stop rain does drag one's spirits down. I mean, I'm glad that I think better now. Somewhat. I have comparative experiences now. hwahaha can you believe that? :D anyway, this mini-tornado going on inside me, maybe i'll just let it stay inside. there's really no point.

papa! i don't know if you still read this blog. pero from ahlee and me, a huge thank you. we'll send you a proper thank-you next week. :) mwah. :)

san kaya nadiscover ni millie yung eisley? gusto ko tunong nila :D

-- here comes a tagalog post. tres rare. :D

ang balak ko dapat mag-post ng pictures ng mga kapatid kong nagparticipate doon sa milo marathon sa luneta last week (natapos nila at nanalo school nila! ayee. proud ate ako :D :D). kaso eto nanaman. puro kasi diyaryo at bbc.com ang binabasa ko for a while (matter loading para sa motions! :D). ngayon lang ulit ako nakabasa ng... basta. natatawa ako. ambilis ng conclusion niya. naisip ko ang dami ko palang nalilinlang sa mga kalokohan ko. haha. pero ano ba. bakit ako nagugulo dun? hindi ko naman tinatanong kung ano ba yung dapat maging ako. kaya siguro wala naman muna dapat magsabi sa akin noon. masaya-saya na ulit ako ngayon. :) kahapon batch dinner daw namin (mga seventeen lang ata kami). namiss ko batchmates ko. namiss ko yung tawa na may matching (matsing?) na hampas sa lamesa. :D tapos eto. parliament na ako! :) nung sunday may aftershock pa ako tapos tulala ako. pero ngayon sobrang natutuwa na ako tapos gusto ko na talaga lahat ng nangyayari :D ang dami kong natutunan. naiinlove ako sa mga parliament members. kasi idol ko sila hehe. sana gumaling ako. :) tapos ayos naman sa SA namin ni ate clodet. mababait sila at may kasama kaming dude na may studs haha. super tangkad niya. hanggang dibdib lang ata ako. tapos natutuwa ako sa classes ko ngayon. kagabi, nikausap namin si oscar oida (lahat nalang eh...) hehe. ayun lang.

eto sige. sayang lang nadismaya ka na tapos ayaw mo na magbasa ng blog kong wala naman talagang ibang bumabasa. :D nyek. siyempre ako, nangungulila rin, pero yung namimiss ko, siguro yung bago pa lahat... lahat nun. ni hindi ako galit o ewan. basta. basta ang balak ko ngayon, normal mode. kaya ko yun. ikaw?

ay eto. may bumububuyog sa utak ko. wahehe! pero walang kuwento. basta bubuyog lang. bzzzzz hehe. wahooo.... >:(

blog break kaya muna ako. ampangit na ng posts ko. hahanap ako ng scrap papers at bibili ulit ako ng bala ng mechanical pencil tas magsusulat ulit ako. para masaya lalo. ibang tao ba talaga magsasabi kung nag-iiba ka o hindi? natutuwa lang ako na naisip niya yun. sayang lang hindi naman talaga totoo.

sige blog break. siguro magpopost ako dun sa poetry blog ko. kung may mapaworkshop ako. :)

this is not a particularly depressing time in my life, but this is not a very happy time either. this is the first time time i'm probably going to admit it: yes, i want a time machine. let me repeat it.

yes, i want a time machine.

i think i'm supposed to feel waay better about myself right now, and maybe a bit darn proud for my recent accomplishment, but i can't swallow this huge lump in my throat. it's like too many things are wrong, and i can't understand when things started becoming this sad. it's like i can't see past a week or a month or a year anymore. rawr. it's like getting outta here is all i can think of.

yes, i want a time machine.

i have no idea why i'm doing everything i'm doing right now. aren't you supposed to feel better about yourself when you knock fences down? why does the little voice in my head still keep on wishing that i were back to the old way things were?

i don't like anything anymore. rawr. something's amiss. nothing matters.

FINALS TONIGHT...

KAYA KO ITO!!!!

yeah camown!!! :P

haha. kinakabahan talaga ako eh.

when was the last time i genuinely felt something and didn't have alarm bells going off in my head, jeopardizing everything and making me lose out on oppurtunity and stuff? it's like nothing is real anymore. i'm always chickening out or thinking too much.

BUT. (i hate having to clarify things here) on the other, hand, why say but. hehe. but that first paragraph is not about the thing i will be talking about in the succeeding paragraph. there.

on the pretense of borrowing my tape recorder (although he really needed it daw) he and I got to talk in person again, and I can't help but feel a little darned that he keeps wanting me to 'fess up over something i have nothing to fess up over. he was talking as if he knew better than i what was going on in my head. BUT (oh here's the but again). but i am not picking a fight. just had to say that. maybe next week i'll try to clarify that up a bit. but i'm really not in the mood anymore. it's sad that he wanted to drag all this into that happy world where nothing else was really as good, but from the start i never really saw that happening. i didn't know what the problem was, but the un-nice feeling did disappear after... well, after everything. saad. este i don't know. told you i'm not in the mood for these things. i'm writing this here because he might pay a visit, also, i don't know where else to put it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REDONE :D

hm. what else. Lucy Torres on the cover of my favorite magazine. lovely. :)