Nagsimula itong linggo na ito na.. ewan ko, ayos naman. walang pasintabi na kung ano-ano mangyayari. ang saya pa nga kasi nagkaroon ng extrang araw yung weekend. Pero hanggang monday night lang nagtagal yung pakiramdam ko na kontrolado ko lahat. heehee. tapos ewan ko, parang nag-regress nanaman yung chakra ko o kung ano tawag mo dun sa magagandang pakiramdam na nagbibigay sa iyo ng kapangyarihan na isipin na ayos lang ang lahat. hmm. ewan ko. ang dami palang gagawin. ang dami palang dapat sasabihin. alam niyo ba? naalala ko na twenty one nung twenty one. eh ano naman diba. hehe. ang dating siguro para akong pa-cute na ewan ngayon. pero huy. nangungulila din kaya ako. kung alam niya lang. sa totoo lang siguro alam niya yun eh. eh di mas maganda kunwari mali siya. heehee. kumusta naman ang sadista.

Friday the thirteenth ba nung friday? twenty five naman. Pero yun. ang sama ng gising ko nun. sarado yung bangko. nawawala ang mga handouts. ang init pa. tapos tapos tapos!!! ahhhh. wah.

Nung hapon, ngumiti ako sa salamin, at bigla kong naintindihan kung ano ang naging pakiramdam ni Fantine (nanay ni Cosette sa Les Miz). Hindi ko na ikukuwento kung paano napahamak yung ipin ko ng ganoon, basta yun, nagmadali ako umuwi. Naiwan ko yung solicitation letters. Hindi ko dinala yung laptop. Naiwan ko yung stuff para sa COMA 101. pero ang galing ni Doktora Erly, hindi niyo na mapapansin sa Lunes. Siguro sa susunod ko na ipopost yung litrato (oo, kinunan pa rin namin. :D). Tapos iyon. hindi na pala ako makakabalik ng Linggo. nakalimutan kong hapon kami kakanta. yikes. e nag sched ako ng meeting. e di iindiyanin ko nanaman sila. kumusta naman. wah. ayoko magmonday muna, puro gulo. tapos hindi ako makasulat ng tula. naiiyak na ako.

tapos ngayong araw, masaya sana kasi kasama ko buong araw si tins (ngayon lang ulit! pagongs reunited!!!) pero nawala ko agad yung bagong bili kong top at siyempre broke nanaman ako (nakakainis! ang tagal ko nang hindi nakaka-wala ng gamit. rarr. bagong bili pa. as in hindi pa ako nakakauwi nawala na.).

mga puwedeng maging solusyon: isang milyon ng kahit ano sa tatlo (pero hindi masama kung lahat): piso, bagong brain cells, at yakap.

***

extra: i watched Adam Sandler on Click the other night. i mean, i don't have to give a review right? you know it's nice. you know it has lots of funny parts. you know it made me feel warm and fuzzy. that finger was so unexpected. :D

but where the hell was rob schneider? was he morty?

.

another debut: sara's this time, and it was held at barbara's, one of those old houses inside intramuros (it was a stone's throw away from st. agustine's, where my parents got married). that was a very glam night, and we scholasticans all agreed: the cheesecake was heaven, where'd sara order them? :D plus plus plus. i posted this pik so you people could admire sarita's gown. it's by Brian Leyva, whom i recognize from the magazines i read. oh, the wonder. hehe. nakakatuwa lang. and i look really darn creepy right there on the right! (marianne, thanks by the way :D the whole place had that old manila feel down pat (and why wouldn't it?!), so one of my fantasies have been realized again.l the dance music, at least. hayay, pagbigyan ang mababaw. sara, thanks for the chaffeur and the fun night! :P you looked super super ganda. Toffee? hehe. :D i'm sorry i don't have a picture of jevic, because her new do and flamenco-red outfit certainly caught attention :D

since it was pretty late, marianne spent the night at our place, and of course, the requisite catching up. ahaha, ang dami ko palang hindi naikuwento sa kanya!!! haha. ay nako, and there goes thinking about the things i've stopped thinking of for a while now. hmm.

***

last week has been a pretty busy week (in the, uhm, social sense hwaha), so this week i'm being punished by a pile of papers and exams. haha. we had our midterm in coma this afternoon. holy moly. heehee.

i just noticed, i haven't been daydreaming much recently. and i miss scrawling random lines into my notebooks. what the hell do i think of these days? money. suzmiyo. hehe.

at least these days, i'm not so wont of company. maybe that's why my eyes have temporarily ceased wandering.

i mean, i can get hugs whenever i need them. :)

some other things I miss:

enjoying the rain (i mean, not being bugged that it rains really hard and i'm inside)

long long naps

vegetables

mindless ramblings

my brothers

angeline ( we didn't even get to say goodbye properly :()

ate phoebe

them guwapo people hehe

kada pagong

ah basta. tulog na ako.

i miss being almost eighteen, because i had this wonderful vision that great things will happen as soon as i cross the legal-age threshold. define jaded and hopeless.

***

it was one of those surreal "kapow" moments. a night after i declared to kat that, basically, i don't give one hundred percent shit about debating (thunder! lightning! flaming chariots and angry swiss guards!), thursday night became a pretty tensed-up night, and carlos says, "Ok lang iyang mga ganyan pakiramdam [referring to that night's indignant debaters], it means na may passion ka sa ginagawa mo."

Kapow.

Maybe this whole I-don't-care-that-much ideology, I mastered it because I always don't want to end up so miserable. On everything. Oooh.

Kaya pala, I don't become THAT happy either? Because how am I gonna be totally fulfilled about the things i get into if i don't really care about them? (question marks, because i've heard these things over and over again since grade three but i'm not sure if i really believe in them.)

I have to rephrase my statement to Kat: it's not that i don't care much. it's just that i don't take everything personally. or i refuse to. pero pero pero, don't ask me why for now. wah. i hope by the time i'm twenty five, i'd have my life philosophy down pat!
[maybe it would be easier to concoct life philosophies if I weren't so BROKE. rawr.]

that thursday TUD night, despite the kapow moment, turned happy in the end, because some of us had dinner together (sana kasama yung ibang batchmates ko), and i'm so much more comfortable with them now. *smiles* i was supposed to be with my fellow baca o5 people, though. heehee. naku. naks. hehe.

***
mama is in perennial high spirits. :)

***

I miss being INTO someone. hwaha. i can't write, i have no devious stalking agendas, hindi ako "pumuporma". huwaw. haha. ang hirap tuloy whenever i call my friends up and they ask me how I am. dati, ambilis ng kuwentos: mga development churvaloo with so-and-so, ok na ok nang pang-isang oras na diskorso. ngayon, medyo puro dot-dot-dot. parang, "where do i begin ba? hmm... kanina, etc." hehe. pati mga tula. or kuwento. wala akong masulat. parang amboring ko tuloy.

churvaloo. sounds so weird, pero para siyang LSS! hwaha.

nyay.. everyday i get older. tomorrow, i bet i'll have wrinkles on my forehead.

Got this from anne's multiply. :P Angeline had a super advanced coming-of-age party, and it was nice seeing some of my first year highschool classmates again (angeline left for London right before second year), and angeline of course. :) lotsa butterflies. And I took mama with me!! hehe. The top angeline was wearing here was for her pop dance number (go anj! :D). the tugush tugush music was already starting when I left, but Tito Butch was already waiting outside Plaza Ibarra, and it was raining pretty hard, plus i had mama with me remember, so i didn't stay anymore. hehe. I was the eighteenth candle (awr), and i guess i might be good in keeping some things after all, like still being tight friends despite the continental divide. :) true, we hardly noticed that it's been three years. so much, and so little, has changed. xp

my english sounds more and more barok. and i'm supposed to be learning to be more fluent through my TUDs.

speaking of UPLBDS, teams a to c had a taping (taping! suzmiyo) today for the debate program on NBN (nhux). Hazel, Blythe, and some other parl members also went to cheer them on. I should've gone as well, i think, since i only had one class today, plus it's more bonding oppurtunities, PLUS it's exposure (hwaha), but i stayed here, SA-ed, etc. have yet to find out how it went, but do we still really have to guess? :D I'm so proud, and so inspired. And I enjoy training, low scores and all. I shall get better. you'll see, you'll see. :D

gawsh, hindi pa pala ako tapos sa Les Miz.

what else. Oh, I'm so bothered about something. Something else aside from being broke, hweheh. :p

i REALLY am. hwahaha.

this illusion is nice, i feel like nothing is wrong, the breeze is cool, the light is yellow, the connection is not yet paid for, the book is almost finished, the chocolate is sweet. there is no meeting, no solicitation, no debt, no problem. i will take a loooonnng nap and i will have the luxury of opting not to wake up. and i have the gift to dream of all the nice things. like maybe there were no other people to worry about. like maybe there were no ambiguous messages. like maybe if people were nice to you, it means they like you too.

told you people, i never worry if i can help it. maybe it's when other people tell me to worry that i worry worry worry worry.

harumph. boing.

"and the day you passed before me? it was the sixteenth of june and the second of july."

Victor Hugo has made my birthdate a little more special because one of his characters will never forget it. I wonder... i wonder if that other person, born on July 2 is looking for his soulmate, like me. i wonder why i didn't take up Les Miz for my grade school book reports.. :p

he, he.