i swear i'm turning into a cult follower. :)

so i guess this has been one nice, nice first day. heehee. having complete classes feels great. :)

so what else to talk about. hmmhmmhmm. ewan.

as usual, running out of things i want to say.

1. Just like the way it was last summer, it was fast and blurry and confusing, but then nothing happened in the end. it felt nice but it's not really something i need right now. at least we kinda got rid of that big question on what the hell went on there... haha. laboo ko nanaman. hindi ko pa rin alam sasabihin. you know i should be doing all the questioning and hesitating and cautioning on other things in my life. not on this. i know i'm making such super big deal out of this. it's either i want to be with you, or i do not... right? and deep down in this effin heart i know the answer, but i'm way too chicken to blurt it out loud. reasons being you're being tenacious as well, and people would usually say it's unacceptable to answer like that. pero ako ito eh. ano baaa!!!!

at least we finally talked after all the lame open-ended blog posts that we're both not really sure if the other gets to read it. and i think you know the answer already as well. though ewan ko. maybe because of that last talk thing i'm giving you different ideas again...

i think this is why my :moda: does not work with the rest of the batch... this is completely the opposite of what they're going through. and i couldn't justify myself. rawf! i haattteee it. gakkk i'm having such a hard time writing about this. i'd really rather just think and think and think it over to myself, but then it gets me nowhere. time to move it!

***

2. meanwhile, he is being perfectly nice again, so maybe it did just need a looonnngg stretch of time before the craziness of that whole thing died itself out. and i know now that i really was wrong then, and that i owe him a huge sorry as well. again i hate writing about this because it makes me feel so evil.

***

but i guess i'm just so ill equipped for all that love shit . it's a shame that it cannot be my happiness right now, but so there. i'm still looking. i'm still thinking. i'm still figuring out who i am. yeah, teen mag ang dating LOL. pero siguro nga that's where all the problems come from. i'm so demented. not yet ready to share or what.

***

pen's debut last night! fun. lotsa pictures. good looking commArts people galore. yeah. heehee.

***

kailan kaya ako magiging matino? hehe. it's not even like i'm get-back girl or something. magulo lang talaga ako. maraming hinahanap. period. kaya hindi ko mabuo ang isip ko. susubukan ko muna matuto kung paano alamin kung ano talaga yung kailangan ko. wag na kayo. ako magsasabi. LOL. ano ba yann.

siguro... kailangan may manakit muna sa akin? LOL. ewann!!!

***

I HATE THIS POST! ang gulo ng buhay. my insides are a mess right now. haha. i'm tempted to select all those previous paragraphs and hit backspace but then sayang yung pagpipilit ko magkuwento kung ano talaga nangyayari sa loob ko. haha. siguro kaya masaya magkuwento ng ganyan ngayon kasi maayos ang naging reg ko. so far wala akong pending na acad or org or family problem, kaya pinipilit ko naman ngayon ayusin ang lablayp ko. na talaga namang napakaproblematic pero kasalanan ko naman talaga. heehee. alam ko gusto mo enjoying na lang natin. ok fine. so sana ok lang sayo na gagawin ko kung ano yung mga ginagawa ko ngayon, kaso pinapa-guilty mo lang talaga ako. hay nako magusap na lang ulit tayo next week.

so ok... i'm gonna post this and reread it some other time. then do some think think thinking again. wahhh. LOL

i found it on another blog. darn. :D

I'm not on the jungle gym, beating the others to the top.
I'm not on the swing, moving without actually getting anywhere.
I'm not on the seesaw, going crazy. haha
I'm not on the slide. no, i'm not yet going down.

I'm on the sandbox, watching you all, emptying my bucket and then filling it up again.

i should be doing other things (like matter-loading for one!). but instead i discovered that Wikipedia DOES reject entry submissions after all. and that there is a site that collects the funnier of these rejected entries:

The WikiDumper

hehehe. franco, look for the drunk blogging entry. shame, because i had been thinking of putting up my very own autobiographical entry to the popular online "encyclopedia". just to give an easy time to the people who google my name all the time.LOL

dyou know that wikipedia now comes in filipino as well? and there are entries of local artistas. fun!

===

this is such a horrible state, isn't it? so of course like everyone else i can't wait for classes to start again. but then again there's reg to go through first. linnnnneeesssss. rarr.

===

GO, ALCANO. we have a filipino world pool champion! :) the souquet guy had a very emotional moment last night. and ronnie, i swear, looks like a stretched version of efren reyes. he's sans dentures as well! LOL. ala lang. more good news.

===

It's been two years since i've last woken up before six o' clock to get ready for school, and i miss picking out what jacket i'd wear for the day because it provided a welcome tweak to our uniform. around this time (after sembreak), the -ber months are already well under way, christmas is less than fifty days away, and most notably, you already feel the change in the "air" - you know, hanging amihan? resuming of classes after sembreak usually meant the start of jacket season, shorter days and longer nights, and the cold.

but it was drizzling when i woke up today. i swear it feels like first quarter. and it's funny how the biggest typhoon of the year didn't come during july or august. our seasons are amok. is this global warming finally happening? :-(

there's another thing that i don't quite notice anymore and it's the "it's almost christmas!" feeling, but i'm not going into that because it's not really global warming's fault that i find it amiss. it's more like the climate change that's taking place inside me. :-/

anyway, i just miss waking up and feeling excited and all even though i have no idea what's gonna happen for the day... just feeling good because the air feels different.

***
speaking of climate change, looks like the air is finally blowing in a different direction in the united states. I'm not really positive if a democrat majority will ensure the deterring of bush's plans, but maybe it's a good thing that many americans finally decided to VOTE, period. haha. kasi before they didn't.

***

I have DotA on my computer. I even have the new map. the other evening i just found Ahloy copying some files from a cd and now he's playing five on five with nine robots (four on his side). he's like manny pacquiao practicing for that 3rd round. LOL. because is it really fun to play DotA by yourself?

***

i'm watching maging sino ka man. heehee!

yipee! britney's divorcing k-fed. now he's fedEX. lol. britney looks great again. yehey. :)

yesterday inna came over, and we spent some time coloring pictures and i drew her some houses and people. kids are so easy to please and hang around with :)

NDC tabs. oh funny, funny.

Cannonball
Damien Rice

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still i can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words i long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that i can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'cause it's not hard to fall
And i don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And i don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know...

hot women rule the planet. :)
(incidentelly, their favorite coffeeshop)

it's amelia's birthday today. now our resident rocker and mc's theater star is eighteen, so now we're all legal! yehey. FINALLY, i get to spend time with my high school barkada again (sans lils - we miss). i am so so so pleased. it's really been months and months since i last saw them!!!! i think i've been living under a rock. they don't even know my name anymore. i kid you not. they call me kris and kristia hahaha. :) we had a sleepover last night at amy's place. we painted our nails blood red, toasted amy, had lots of kuwentuhan, and played suck and blow (larainne's id this time) - hindi puwedeng hindi gagawin, turtle ritual hehe. plus we watched some episodes of showtime's The L word. in true kulasa "tibo" fashion heehee. that show is hot. the characters go through stuff like insemination, two timing, marriage, coffee, and lots of sex haha. we crush katherine moennig's character. :D we didn't have time (or the patience) to go through the entire dvd so i can't give you a full cast listing, plot runthrough, or ruminations (like this site will). but, no, i don't like the title much.dear mother country, we've a ways to go, definitely, in many turns and aspects. but i'm not sure, personally, if we really have to go where everywhere else (ie hollywood) is going. but hold it before you deem me possessed by isagani cruz. :)


we crush her as well. :)

heehee. i really missed them all. pati yung rituals namin.and amelia's and la rainne's current respective stata, who knew in high school? :)

i also did something fun yesterday - participated in a research discussion at tns, where my neighbor works. they're bringing pocari sweat (funny name) to our market pala, and basically me and eight other girls gave our thoughts about it. haha. first heard bout it in anime, then saw it on some jap tshirts or something. you really wanna know why it's fun? they gave us 700 pesos worth of sm gc's. ohh, love. \m/ the other girls were all about how drinking after sports is important because it keeps you hydrated. and i was like, yeah, that's why drinking sports drinks in the am help cure hangovers because hangovers are partially caused by dehydration... :P

zteeeell floatttigggg.

kaloy: "ang liwanag ng buwan!" i wonder what sort of things will happen when the batch starts seeing each other again.

i guess one-click publishing does have its damned perils, most notable of all is that you can click "post" right after several harried minutes of draining your head of moda juice. and then wham it's all over cyberspace. easily revocable yes, but darn dangerous if you're surrounded by too fast too watchful eyes. no time to think. only to let out and be burned.

anyway, i sounded like the lowliest ingrate back there, i just realized. like the parliament didn't shell out money for this for me and for the rest. ayun. haha. oo nga pala no, there's much i need to do. haha. well anyway. that 8th National Debate Championship, definitely, wouldn't have been possible if the org wasn't so keen on letting us go, and i'm really really grateful that they gave us that trust, instead of just not letting us go at all. you know? i guess i was really just wading in shit yesterday. but i feel better now and i'm seeing that it wasn't all about me after all. anyway. yes, a vow to do waaaayyy better next year. or even next month at the ateneo ivs. hwahaha!

so it's been over three days since NDC and there's nary a word from all the participants on the parliament egroup, and i haven't fulfilled the self-serving duty of doing a full blog entry about it. but what is there really to blog about? you all know baguio naman. nothing was really novel about it, except that it was really my first time there. on our third morning it was raining, and clouds were right outside our hotel balcony, and i was smelling clouds. goodness fun heehee. we didn't get to tour around much, because NDC sched kept us busy of course. and the best part of course was the aircon 24/7. even at high noon. thursday i was wearing this short jersey dress which rendered me practically hypothermic. haha. so i pretended i was practicing yoga and doing the whole mind power thing. kidding.

but not as busy as i'd hoped - i mean, we should've been still debating by thursday or even friday, if we had managed to break...

hahahaha. ok ok, i wouldn't go moda (to borrow the now-overused baca05 word) over the whole thing, because hello, this was really my first competition and all, and i guess nobody was actually expecting us to do well, even though (maybe) some people were only darn forward optimistic. and i'm thankful for those people. me? oh well, i've always been a little crazy so it's excusable if i actually deluded myself into all those hopes... anyway. even without the real pressure, it was still sad that we came home empty-handed (figuratively, of course, because there were quite a few plastic bags of pasalubongs). i mean, seeing all those other schools debating and analyzing better than you do makes you feel important that you're debating against them... then it makes you feel all shitty that you're losing against them.

as usual, i still have a ways to go. i think it would be nice, if, for a change, i quit backing out and really get somewhere... :) hmmmm-mm! must get out and matter load or whatever.

anyway, it could've been a better tournament - we could've interacted more, thought more, gone out more, gotten drunk more, but anyway, it's now november and there's no other direction but right ahead to walk to.

we could've fallen somewhat as well, but i guess it was something that wasn't particularly on anyone's mind. mine especially, believe it or not. oh. well.

at least - we fulfilled the bonding part big time. next sem Kat will be reborn. i swear hehe. murang mura kasi.

***

enough ndc stuff! you weren't there anyway. but oh well, you weren't at my lola's place last sunday as well, and i realized that we cousins are so grown up already. i wonder when we'll get to take over christmas dinner. hehe. masarap pala iyong balut at suka. hehe. hay, itong tiyan ko, ang laki laki na talaga. must curb every other craving...

***

i wonder what i'm actually missing? we just got home from Loyola and since Lola died the relatives don't gather as much anymore, which is a shame, i think, despite all the previous speeches about how i think the relatives are all pompous and overtly critical. well there goes childhood out the window again. anyway. tito willie was with us and we got to hear all those kuwento about my titos and lolo and lola, and the kuwento really made me feel sort of funny-happy. papa should've taken care of orienting family pride into me and my siblings, but of course he couldn't. maybe that's one thing missing. growing up there wasn't the idea that i came down from a family of good and fun people - i mean even if that was the status quo, there was always negative filtering from you-know-who so my entire perception got totally whacked. ok i hate using status quo hwaha. and ok, i shouldn't be blaming every little psychological misalignment on everyone else, right? haha. but whatever.

***

my batchmates are soooo in lovvveee with each other right now. they come up with everything over text then send it to the batch group: top ten lists, blind items, quotables, comments, jokes, puns, acronyms, everything. where have all the love quotes gone? hahahahaha. not to mention all nighters that last until morning practically every single day. let's spread kahambugan and batch love to the rest of the world. but i really really dig it. :) it almost feels like one big highschool barkada. i'm not yet calling it family though. but i'm glad they're so... happy. moda moda moda. ang sarap. :)

***

i suck at commitments and making decisions. i just realized.

***

balut+vinegar. death, i swear.

***

a new lovable email address: krista.garcia@yahoo.com :) haha. define bandwagon.