"shoes are like men, except that there are no morality issues about hoarding footwear"

my week started out GREAT - because of my coffee and tambay saturday afternoon and the COMA104 paper that i finished early. sunday morning, and i felt well-rested, mayaman, and in control. that's all i stress about. control.

then sunday afternoon came, and then THOSE SHOES (black, velvet, really high, and rive gauche!). and then oh no. and i'm really ashamed of that, i couldn't even appreciate them properly because i feel so contrite and guilty.

but even if it meant abusing their kindness and looking a bit p.g. (Patay-gutom) to my dormmates last week, even if it will mean a mountain of apologies to sir dumlao next week, even if i know this isn't the last time i'll do this, i am pretty pleased... still. wahahah! ahlee, i've given up trying to make her understand, and i guess she's not trying to either, we're just both accepting that this is really the way i am, and we're fine with that. hehe i love my sister. my batchmates don't know i'm like this. mom... oh, mom. sorry.

so this is the way i work it. yeah. :D

dug.

i had a very very very very VIVID dream. haha.

i was planning to wait for ahlee this afternoon then take the bus home with her, but my headache was killing me, so i went praning, so now i'm in front of the computer while she's still probably on the MRT (or megamall for all i know).

i think i had a headache all week. it suxx.

dawg, p a p e r s.


new book :)

the title caught me of course ("hey, that's ME!") but it turned out to be a FEMINIST discourse. yet to finish reading the book but i promise a review AND a rebuttal. hahaha!

chismax alert!

SOME people are really starting to get on my nerves. and i know i'm not supposed to get all pissed off at them because they're being perfectly normal. pero ewan ko, naiirita na ako. nagsasawa rin. and isn't that sick? because who will i end up with? anyway, maybe more time and i'll let the neck go. my inner cranky self wants to tell them: you know, just stop being so self-centered. or stop acting like you're nice and you listen to everyone but you're actually backstabbing everyone in the process just so everyone would like you (another person). so kill me if i always look spaced out or like i don't listen or like i have nothing comforting to say, but maybe that's just because i'm not comfortable with how the conversations have become cyclical, and personal "issues" have never been really my thing because i'm scary damaged and i repress things. and i know that's sick sick sick. maybe this is burnout. right right? hehe. lilipas rin to. hindi naman talaga ako galit galit at anyone. maybe it's just displacement, yes.

so if it's displacement what am i really angry about? ME, i guess. haha. see, there's all these little frustrating things. oh, move. i need to get of this treadmill. I NEED A REAL EFFIN MOVING RIDE for x's sake. hehe. where are my trainers? i guess i need to run.

run krista run. oh prove them wrong again.
******

was talking with jinee on the steps yesterday and i'm glad i'm not so crazy after all. gung ho sucks, but independent woman was never really my thing as well. wah. i wish i'd meet new people.

******
you almost got a heart attack yourself, when news of ely's heart attack spread, didn't you?

so right after i get a great weekend with lots of mirror talks and psyching-ups, i read about Lily Cole getting into Cambridge.

I wouldn't mind it half as much if she weren't eighteen and 178 centimeters! It makes you wonder about DNA and chances and when exactly your parents got you conceived and what exactly was going on right before all that happened.

i really mind. it forces me to look inward and it's like inward and self suddenly got a whole lot tinier. It's like one of those fables, like how after an ant successfully carries his breadcrumb up the anthill he sees a rat feeding on an entire hunk of cheese by himself.


i mean, i don't believe that adage anymore about how you can't have everything. Not if there's a girl gets to get paid to wear Topshop to her polsci class. to her polsci class in Cambridge. I can't get over it hahaha! Nothing's impossible these days. Everything's so attainable. special is so limited.

...got to tick off another item on my imaginary list of things to do before i turn sixty (the last thing was - - uh oh). Last January 2 my choirmates and i (and yes my family as well :D) went to that theme park in Sta. Rosa and i finally know what it feels like to have your stomach and intestines literally exchange places!

am spacing out more and more often again these days. a semblance of the old me is coming back, in terms of the way i think haha. this year, i'm accepting the fact that i am not THAT invincible, that i still need people, that i'm not clay that can change form and size with ease.

if you're talking too long i might have a tendency to fall out of the topic mid-paragraph and forget what you were saying.

just frustrated over first TUD this year i guess. i should be getting better. oh well. :D